Do you deal with anger, frustration, embarrassment, harassment or conflict in the workplace? Carmen Courtesy addresses all of these issues. Carmen’s goal is to promote interpersonal workplace harmony and stop sticky issues those in the workforce have been struggling with. Our friend Carmen addresses many of these areas.

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Dear Carmen,

We have a secretary in the office that has been there for 20 years. She thinks she owns the place and is rude to other coworkers when they do not follow office procedures to her T. Her rudeness intimidates employees and has left several people crying. Some of us have talked to her supervisor about her attitude. He says he has talked to her. When he does, she changes for a while and then goes right back to being rude. A lot of us now try to avoid any communication with her.

Sincerely,

Sick of a Nasty Diva

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Dear Diva’d Out:

First of all, you have to recognize that unless this real-life Cruella DeVille does something pretty wicked to someone very high up, things are unlikely to change. Second, if you do not push for change, you’re taking a risk. I’m sure you have wondered why this woman has been able to get away with this behavior for 20 years. Does she have friends in high places? Incriminating photographs? Whatever the reason, if you go after her, keep in mind that she may have enough power/influence to get you fired. So don’t go into this naively.

That said, however, let’s not give up on the Wicked Witch of the West just yet.

There are a couple of ways to proceed. If you are in a larger company, then you and your fellow victims should all go to your HR department and complain, as recommended by Paul Falcone, employment and human resources author of The Hiring and Firing Question and Answer Book.

“The reporting of these kinds of issues has become more commonplace and generally taken more seriously in the wake of all the recent corporate code of conduct initiatives out there,” Falcone writes. But be sure to give your HR rep specific examples of her rude behavior and keep it as unemotional as you can. You don’t want to go in and rail against her.

If you’re a smaller company, consider calling a meeting with the secretary and all of you who have complaints—sort of like the shootout at OK Corral, except no shooting. Do it with finesse. Tell her your perception of her behavior.

“The emphasis should be on the perception, which is much harder to argue with than a direct accusation,” Falcone adds. “You don’t want to go at her with all of your anger. That will just make her mad, and it sounds like she’s angry enough.”

Each of you should give her specific examples of your perception of what she has done and then tell her respectfully that on a go-forward basis all of you expect she will change her behavior in the following ways and describe them.  Be ready to extend the same courtesy to her if she has complaints of her own.

Before meeting, however, be sure to tell your supervisor that you and a small group of your peers intend to meet with the secretary. Also, prep yourselves so that, once again, you emphasize perception and mutual respect, not anger. You don’t want this to turn onto a lynching….OK, maybe you do, but that would hardly be polite.

Sincerely yours,

Carmen

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Dear Carmen,

I have a coworker who scratches her back using a wooden back scratcher anytime she gets an itch. I think this is totally lacking in manners.

This has been going on for 10 years and I am sick of it.

I’ve never tried to do or say anything about it because I have no idea how to go about it.

Sincerely,

Rubbed the Wrong Way

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Dear Rubbed the Wrong Way:

Given my experience reading hundreds of complaints every year, you could consider yourself lucky that this is the most serious complaint you can come up with.

Certainly, scratching one’s back in an office setting is not the most polite thing to do. But perhaps your coworker has a medical condition or uses her back scratcher simply to relieve stress. Whatever the reason, I suggest being tolerant. You can always discreetly absent yourself if you don’t like watching her scratch away.

Also, try to consider this woman’s good points and while you’re at it, you might ask yourself whether you’re being a little too critical of your fellow employees. Maybe it’s time to focus on important things like your work rather than other people’s idiosyncrasies.

Remember, she is merely scratching her own back—she’s not stabbing yours.

Sincerely yours, 

Carmen Courtesy

		Linn Back is an affiliate owner at Westaff, which has offices in Lansing, Owosso and Grand Rapids. Westaff provides temporary and temporary-to-permanent staffing, professional permanent placement, behavioral and skills employment testing, and employment and background verification checks.