While most of us share a common desire for happiness, success and peace of mind, there are other aspects of life we’ve rather not experience. Death. Divorce. Illness. Injury. Losing a job. Grief is an intensely personal process; and while it’s tough enough trying to deal with loss in a family unit, it’s even harder at work.

Whether the loss is personal (a loved one’s death, serious injury or illness) or work related (demotion, reassignment, termination), grief is a delicate issue. There are no magical words that can make things right, but you do have some options. Before covering what might help, here are two approaches to avoid:

Ignoring the person’s situation. Some people don’t acknowledge another’s grief because they simply don’t know what to say or do. Grief imposes a social dividing line between the one experiencing loss and those who are not. The aggrieved may feel alone and isolated, even in the presence of others. When the person’s situation is ignored, he or she may feel like a social outcast or think that others don’t care.

A man who worked for a company that reorganized four times in six years felt fortunate to still have a job. But every day he had to walk by a stack of unclaimed boxes left behind by friends who had been fired. When he told his manager how difficult this was, the manager advised, “Just pretend the boxes aren’t there.” How well would this work for you?

Minimizing the loss. While the intent may be to comfort, telling a grieving person he or she will feel better soon doesn’t ease the angst. Suggesting that his or her situation isn’t as awful as it could be, “Hey, it was only a pet ...” feels like an insult. One woman, after the death of her son, was not comforted when told, “Well, at least you have two other children.” And the words, “I know just how you feel,” are best avoided unless you actually do.

One person’s tragedy or loss can have far-reaching effects on a workplace and there’s no crash course on Grief 101 you can sign up for, no crib sheet to memorize. Acknowledging a work colleague’s emotional pain is difficult. Expect to feel awkward or unsure about what to say or do, and remember that a kind gesture on your part will be noted and appreciated. Here are a few things to keep in mind for working through loss:

Human nature being what it is, remember that in the absence of feedback, we each make up our own version of reality. Whether personal loss or company shakeup, you’re better off by keeping things out in the open. Let everyone know you’re willing to listen if they need to talk.

In extreme circumstances (multiple losses, homicide or other horrific circumstance) if you’re a manager or business owner, you need to be proactive. Before the aggrieved employee returns, bring your work team together and address the situation. Let people express their concerns. Answer their questions as thoroughly as you can without violating privacy.

Sometimes it isn’t what you say, it’s that you simply say something. Just the acknowledgment that you recognize what a raw and painful time this is, and that you care, can absolutely be enough. Saying “I’m so sorry,” or “I don’t know what to say,” demonstrates your empathy.

An occasional show of concern can also be a comfort. “Are you OK?” or “If you need to talk, I’m here for you.” Other times you may not need to say anything; just your presence is enough.

Whether you’re the one grieving or it’s someone else, be patient. While the passing of time is a merciful balm for the heart, healing takes longer than we want or expect, and everyone’s journey is different. Take a day at a time, try to focus on the progress that’s been made, and expect temporary setbacks. At some point, that dividing line begins to fade: the chasm of pain isn’t so deep, nor the sides as steep. Life truly is for the living. And while things may never be exactly the same, there’s finally a day you find yourself standing on the other side of grief.

		C. Leslie Charles is a professional speaker and business consultant whose eighth book will be released in January.