When someone says to you, “I want to give you some feedback,” what are your immediate feelings and thoughts? If “criticism” pops into your mind, you are consistent with my thesaurus! Feedback becomes synonymous with criticism. Actually, feedback is information in the form of perspectives of, opinions about and reactions to, something. The intention is to provide useful information for future decisions and developments. Feedback can be positive and supportive or corrective to resolve mistakes, ineffective decisions or undesirable behaviors.

Research in positive psychology finds that accentuating the positive produces an increase in positive results. Think of when you have had positive feedback at work. Most likely you are more energized. Accentuating the positive opens the mind and inspires the spirit to explore and move to new heights. When we feel good about what we do we are more open to dealing with mistakes and areas for improvement.

When feedback is given with the intention of helping someone or a situation improve or continue, it is a gift. Withholding corrective feedback due to the fear of how it will be taken can lead to problems in relationships and in quality outcomes. Withholding positive, supportive feedback fails to let others know specifically what they are doing well, what to continue, and fails to nourish their souls.

Some pointers for giving and receiving feedback include:

• Accentuate the positive. What is appreciated is nourished and flourishes.
• Remember, the more the better.
• Giving and being receptive to feedback is everyone’s responsibility.
• Give and seek feedback as close to an action as possible.
• Be specific. A simple “good job” doesn’t communicate what was “good” about what was done, or how it was done.
• Seek to understand.  

Tips for receiving feedback

• Usually we think of being the givers of feedback. Reversing the process and starting with receiving feedback heightens our awareness of the process.
• Be proactive and seek feedback.
• View feedback as an opportunity for growth and improvement.
• Get it from everyone: your manager, colleagues, customers and friends.
• Listen. Seek clarification and avoiding thinking of rebuttals.
• Be flexible and open to change.

Pointers for difficult situations in receiving feedback

• If it is in public, ask for it to be given in private when desired. You have the right to receive feedback in the setting that works for you.
• If it is rambling, summarize what you heard. Ask questions, such as: Can you give me a specific example? How do you think I should handle that?
• If it is vague or unclear, ask clarifying open-ended questions, such as: Describe what you experienced and help me understand what you heard. Keep asking questions, if necessary.
• If it is aggressive, avoid getting caught up in argument; listen for the deeper issue or concern. Keep your cool. Ask to schedule another time to talk.

Tips for giving feedback

• Be clear with yourself and with the receiver of your intentions.
• Be timely; offer as close to the behavior as possible. Check with the receiver if the time and location are right.
• Describe the situation clearly and nonjudgmentally, without blame.
• Talk about implications.
• Focus on the problem and behaviors versus the person.  
• Check and assure understanding.
• Acknowledge your role if appropriate.  
• Agree on what will be done.
• Accentuate the positive and your confidence in the person.

Self-reflective feedback

It is also beneficial for people to reflect on their decisions and behaviors. You could ask:

• If you could do this over, what would you do the same and what would you do differently?
• When giving positive supportive feedback, you could note: I liked the way you (be specific).
• What did you like/feel good about? I agree (repeat what they noted and add encouragements).

Pointers for giving feedback in difficult situations

• If resisted, make the feedback relevant to the person and link to customers and goals.
• If emotional, be sensitive. When giving corrective feedback expect an emotional response. Listen, acknowledge the person’s feelings and keep an open mind.
• If there is disagreement about facts, be specific.
• Listen to understand the person’s concerns, fears and desires.  

Timely, well-intended feedback is a gift. When you care enough, you give the very best.

		Colleen R. Cooper, PhD is a partner in New Perspectives Group, an organizational consultant firm. She works with individuals, teams and organizations to help them build capacities to achieve success by tapping their talents, wisdom and spirit. Cooper also is an executive coach.